Wednesday, 2 July 2014

Grimgut's Blog - Day 3 - Stuff What Did Do: A Memoir

Day 3: So today Grimgut says to Necroman "Hey Necroman!  Why do you always carry that smelly bag?".  Smelly bag, as Grimgut discovered, is full of skeletons!  So that's where he gets them from!  Grimgut figures he could just ask, Grimgut is good at making bodies!  The Skeletons did remind him of a time that feels like long, long ago; when a young boneling named Alex or Aphel or Alps.  Alps!  That must be it.  Anyway, when boneling named Alps came to collect Grimgut from the keep they had just won!  He wouldn't let Grimgut have a Rhino either.  Grimgut has worked with the undead around Karrnath before, they're always late.  Every time.  "Grimgut, go breach that wall" they says "you'll have a company of skeletons to support you" they says.  Yet when Grimgut goes to breach the wall, the skeletons never arrive!  This time they showed up after Grimgut had won the battle, and took them all to see big High King (who never paid Grimgut mind you.  He has a big black mark next to his name.  Grimgut will write bad review in Karrnath logs!).

But on the way to meet Big High King, Grimgut and his minions get attacked!  Crazy eyeball demons from far far away come popping out of the darkness, then there was some fancy-pants honour fight between Alpsy and a tin can.  Gimgut grew tired of the Tin Can, so he introduced him to his wife.  With a mighty roar, Betty put a nice big hole in mister Tin Can!  Sure, it took her 2 shots, but at least the first took out some of the onlookers.  We travelled on forever, until we finally reached the King in his city.  After much discussion it was decided that Grimgut and his merry band would head over to the Fort of Bones, to deal with some pesky Wild Elves and their attacks on the fort.  So Grimgut did as he was told, after all he'd been promised more pay and more wenches, so more work was required.  After trudging to the Fort of Bones, a package finally arrived for Grimgut!  He had written to his boss, demanding a horse to ride. Because if they were going to send him everywhere, they should give him transport, he figures.  Imagine Grimgut's surprise when there, in the courtyard, stood a young Triceratops!  Apparently someone thought it'd be hilarious to send through the child of the triceratops he'd once ridden into battle (a story for another time, tiny journal.  Calm down.).  After some good ol' wrestling times, the party got sent on to a second fort, which was full of these skeletons!  They were all just standing there, the lazy blighters.  Anyway, as you would expect the Elves came tearing through, and it was all Grimgut and Friends could to do brutally butcher every last one of them.  THEN!  Right as the fighting was almost over, the bloody skeletons turn themselves on and start defending their fort.  As Grimgut said, always late to the party.

Grimgut got sent on with his friends to go and deal with another attack by the plains folk.  We got telly-portah'd in behind a group of them, so Grimgut bonks one of them over the head with his hammer!  Threw a dirty great big hammer, Grimgut did, and nailed the elf right in the back of his head.  Between the pointy ears and all!  Next we know, there's more of them!  So we started with the hitting things, and some old woman zaps Grimgut!  Zapped!  Like a toad!  Grimgut was having none of this, he shot her horse right in the face with his cannon, and bludgeoned the stupid old woman into the dirt!  Zapping Grimgut.  That's bad for your brain that is!  He'd have shown her brain to people too if her husband hadn't shown up!  Him and his stupid army.

Anyway, tiny journal, Grimgut got a little angry there.  Grimgut and Friends went along with Stupid General Elf-ears, and boarded an Air Ship!  That's when things started to get interesting it is!  Snuffles did not like the airship.

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